The Rothschild Radius

    Nathaniel walked briskly through the door to the lecture hall, decidedly ignoring the "Physics 401" sign hung on the wall. He had little patience today. Of all the days to substitute teach a class, the day of the 3rd Quarter fiscal report was a poor one.

    He took a brief glance at the class notes, and, eager to return to his yacht, began his lecture suddenly. The students scrambled to open their notebooks, but quickly found themselves confused. They had just begun the section on Einstein's field equations, but the man rambling on at the front of the room was speaking about stock dividend yield equations. He went on for some time before anyone spoke up, but eventually a timid, yet high-achieving girl raised her hand.

    "Excuse me, professor" she said.

    Startled, Nathaniel sought source of the voice. "Whoever that was I beg please don't interrupt again. I'd like to depart this room as soon as possible, and dear, I've lost my train of thought." Frustrated, he tried to recover his place.

    "But sir, we left our last lecture discussing the Schwarzschild radius. You're lecturing on basic compound interest" the girl spoke up again.

    Offended, Nathaniel peered around the room again, this time more purposefully. "I do believe I said please don't interrupt again!" He spoke sternly. "Yes, quite right, the Rothschild radius is an important concept, and one you'll do well to understand if you want to see any success in your life."

    Professor Nathaniel continued on the rest of class explaining the phenomenon and how by taking advantage of it, one could propel themselves into acquiring vast amounts of wealth. The students took notes on maintaining a close physical and social distance to the Rothschild family by any means necessary to ensure they remain close enough to their radius of influence as to gain tremendous success with little practical effort.

    The following week, only ten percent of the class returned to the lecture, and Professor Ludwig was in shock. "Was the Schwarzschild radius that challenging of a concept?" He asked.

    The same timid girl raised her hand. "No sir, we learned about the Rothschild radius, and most of the class was enamored by the idea. They went to continue Professor Nathaniel's lessons on his yacht."

    Professor Ludwig stood silently at the front of the nearly vacant lecture hall, grinding the chalk in his hands into a suffocating cloud. A deep, angry, guttural growl emanated from inside.

    Then Professor Ludwig muttered "Not again. Nathaniel Rothschild has once again stolen my class. Those of you remaining, your loyalty will be rewarded! Come with me, we're going to seize what it rightfully ours!"

    With a faithful cheer, the five remaining students ran out of the class behind Professor Ludwig to take on Nathaniel Rothschild and his new crew aboard his yacht.