Ernie and the Endless Imprisonment

    "Eat the cookie or you will suffer the most dreadful of consequences" Dreadlock drawled on.

    Ernie was confused. His captor's tone was sinister, but he couldn't tell if the man was cunning, or stupid. The captor reached for the cookie, staring at Dreadlock the entire time. Maybe his countenance would betray him.

    Ernie grabbed the cookie, brought it to his mouth, and prepared to take a bite. Not a muscle of Dreaklock's face moved. Well, there was only one way to find out. . .

    Closing his eyes and preparing for the worst, Ernie ate the cookie in one bite. He chewed it up and swallowed it, fully committing to his decision.

    He looked up. Dreadlock's upper lip quivered with a smile. He began shaking. Then all of a sudden he burst out laughing with a most maniacal laugh. "You fool! You absolute fool! You had your life in your own hands. Have you no self control? The amusement renders me tickled absolutely pink! Guards, send this fool to the headdunker!"

    Ernie braced himself for what would happen next, as three doors slammed open behind him, and thirty-four guards streamed in to bind him. "Liar!" he shouted as they began taking him away.

    "Halt!" Dreadlock yelled. "What. Did. You. Call. Me?"

    "You're a liar. I ate the cookie, and yet you still send me to be tortured."

    "You face the just consequences for eating the cookie. How dare you slander my good name!"

    "But that's NOT what you said. You said I would face the consequences if I did not eat the cookie, so I ate it."
    "Now you lie. Guards! Doubledunk this fool."

    Then a guard spoke up. "Actually sir, with all due acclaim and commendation, the prisoner is correct."

    Dreadlock jolted his head forward raising one eyebrow unnaturally high in doubt. "Show me the footage."

    Two guards wheeled out a cart holding a CRT and VCR. They rewound the footage until just before Dreadlock gave Ernie the order, then played it for Dreadlock. When he beheld himself make the gravest fumble of conjunctions a supreme bureaucratic officiant had ever made, he wailed and cast his hand back against his forehead in a dramatic faint.

    "Guards!" he said, now weeping. "Take me away. Take me away for a most dreadful TRIPLE dunk. Or set this poor boy free, he's endured enough."

    The guards carried Dreadlock away, trotting in unison into the dunking river, leaving an even more confused Ernie sitting back in his prisoner's chair.

    Sometime later -- Ernie couldn't tell how long it'd been -- Dreadlock returned, soaking wet, along with his guards. He sat on his throne, and just as he was slumping down, he jolted back up. "What are you still doing here? Haven't you been freed?" He asked Ernie.

    Ernie covered his face in his hands and sighed. "No sir, you gave your guards the option to dunk you or free me. They chose to dunk you, so I've been sitting here since."

    Dreadlock gave him the same animated incredulous look as before. "Show me the footage."

    Ernie smacked his palm to his face and the two cart guards strolled the vehicle back out to replay the footage for Dreadlock. Ernie had a feeling he would be here for quite some time.