Silly the Goat

    Silly Goat was a reckless mountain goat. Time and time again he would climb higher than all the other goats. And time and time again they'd bleat at him to come down before he hurt himself. Silly never did hurt himself though; he was a good climber.

    One day he noticed a particularly tall peak of the mountain. The tallest peak. The summit. Before now, he'd never thought that reaching the summit was possible. But for a superb climber like him? Of course it was possible.

    Once again, all the other goats bleated how crazy he was, and that this was the most foolish endeavor he's had yet. Silly didn't care what they had to say, though. He only cared about climbing higher than all the other goats. And no goat could climb higher than him if he climbed to the summit of the mountain.

    So, against their pleading bleats, Silly Goat began ascending the mountain. The beginning was easy; he'd climbed boulders like these countless times. The cliffs gave him little trouble; all the goats could see him from here, and that bolstered his determination.

    The timberline made Silly's job even easier; no trees to get in the way meant he could climb even faster. And Silly did climb faster. The summit was clear in his sights now, and without regard to his body or the altitude, Silly pushed onward, eager to reach the highest point of the mountain.

    Just before he reached the summit, though, the determined goat collapsed. His body couldn't climb any higher. He pushed himself too hard without rest, and without training, and now he was stuck at the frigid peak of the mountain.

    He sat there with only his thoughts, and he found only a small amount of strength left. He had enough to get back up, and push to the summit, but not return. Or he had enough to get up, turn around, and let his body recover as he descended. Silly knew the right answer, but he detested the idea of returning to the other goats without having reached the summit.

    The chill began to seep into his bones, though, and he knew he couldn't remain here. He stood up, turned around, and with the pasture in which he and the other goats roamed in view, began his descent. Bitter thoughts filled his head as he slowly clopped down to the timberline. As he descended down the cliffs, he noticed the tiredness leaving his body. By the time he reached the boulders, Silly was quite refreshed, but when he reached the last several boulders, he realized he didn't know what he would tell the other goats.

    He could tell them he reached the summit; none of them would be able to tell the difference from this far below. But something inside him said to tell the truth. So he did. Silly told them he almost reached the summit, but he didn't. He turned around before he reached it because he knew he wouldn't be able to return if he pushed to the top. Silly's head drooped down in shame.

    What met his ears though, were the loudest, proudest bleats he'd ever heard from the other goats. They were so happy he returned safely, and so proud of him for making the right choice. It didn't matter one bit to them whether he reached the summit. They just wanted their friend back. And from then on, Silly was a little less reckless, and climbed with the other goats, not to tower over them.

April Conway

    "April Conway, Operations Specialist. From the very first round of interviews, through the final days of training, it was clear to us that April had the mind and tenacity for seeing the initial phase of this mission through efficiently. Her firm motivation of her fellow crew members, along with the own hard work she showed time and time again make us confident that we can expect the same effectiveness on the initial platform.

    "Notably, her blood must run colder than most; she lasted longer than anyone else in our heat endurance tests, and we may or may not have overheard murmurs in the coldness with which she regarded other's pain."

    The crowd chuckled, and April herself gave a slight smile. The crew joked about her attitude during their training, but the reality was they all were quite happy to have her alongside them. Working with her could be challenging day in and day out, but they knew she'd get them through phase one the fastest.

Decree of the Toilet Paper King

    "All hail the Toilet Paper King!" the grand plungemaster announced. Streamers of two-ply shot out above the congregation as the Toilet Paper King appeared from behind the curtains. The people cheered through empty toilet paper tubes at the sight of their king.
    "Now now, before anyone gets flush from their shouting, let's settle down!" The grand plungemaster called as the king sat on his throne.

    The porcelain has never looked so shiny; those closest had to shield their eyes. Everyone gathered today to hear the kings decree on the mark left on the royal cotton.

    He cleared his throat and spoke "we are a clean people, and we shall make this known! Wash the royal cotton!"
    Again, cheers erupted from the tubes. The ceremony ended and revelry took place. The grand plungemaster sent everyone out from the gathering arena, out to the festive fields, wishing everyone a most wonderful wipe.

Effervescent Harrie

    Harrie took one sip of the effervescent ether and immediately beheld his skin bubbling. He was shocked into stupor, thought this was exactly what was supposed to happen. Eventually he collected himself and utilized his new powers. He phased right through the laboratory wall -- the effervescence of his skin made him behave like a liquid -- but stepped right into a puddle.
    Harrie was trapped there for days until a particularly hot day. The sun evaporated the entire puddle, including Harrie. On that day he began his new life as a cloud. He goes where the wind blows him, and one day he'll rain down upon some poor, unsuspecting bystander. That will be the first time anyone has ever been drenched from a Harrie.

The Bitter Mushroom

    There was a bitter old mushroom who sat on his rotten log all day complaining about the blandness of life. He wanted some excitement, but he never did anything about it. All the creatures that passed by ignored his complaining until one day when a porcupine brushed passed and stuck the mushroom on one of his quills.

    The bitter mushroom was ripped free from his log and taken away with the porcupine, screaming in horror as he was. He watched his log grow more distant and immediately missed it. He wasn't actually bored of life. He didn't actually want to go on an adventure. He just wanted to sit on his log as ramble on about the dullness of life.

    But whether he wanted to or not, he was now riding along a porcupine's quill and destined to go wherever the porcupine roamed. So, the bitter mushroom did what he did best. He complained.

    From that point on, during the entire trip, he complained about how bouncy the porcupine quill was, and or cold it was without proper shelter from the wind, and how hot it was without shelter from the sun. His complaining went on and on, and eventually the porcupine wouldn't tolerate it any longer.

    The porcupine found a nice old forest and brushed the mushroom against a rock. He slipped off the quill, bounced on the rock, then landed in a little crack stuffed with rotten debris. The bitter mushroom found himself immobile, sheltered from the wind, and sheltered from the sun. He was in a new spot from his old log. And once he realized all of this, he began to complain about how hard and cold the rocks were, and how poor the view was in the new spot.

    He rambled on and on, and the porcupine simply kept walking, glad to be rid of his brief companion. The bitter mushroom's complaining faded into the forest as the porcupine continued on his journey, and he made sure to never walk through that part of the forest ever again.

Mildred's Cough

    Mildred the mouse awoke one day with a horrible cough. She immediately went downstairs to make herself some tea, coughing with every step. When she took a sip of her tea, she coughed again, spilling the tea everywhere.

    She had to get rid of this cough, so she tried everything she could think of. Jumping jacks didn't work. Gargling apple juice didn't work. Hanging upside down like a possum didn't work. Nothing worked to get rid of her cough!

Just when Mildred was about to give up hope, she felt a buzzing in her throat.

    "That must be what is causing my -- cough!" she exclaimed. Then she had an idea. She ran to Irene Iguana's house and without explanation asked her to tickle her neck.

    "Gladly!" Irene replied.

    Irene ran to the back room then returned with a large goose feather. She aggressively brushed the feather against Mildred's neck, who immediately began convulsing in laughter. The convulsing shook her larynx so hard that it shook the fly that was stuck inside loose.

    The fly buzzed its way outside, and Mildred and Irene sighed in relief.

    "Now I can finally get on with my day!" Mildred said. "Thanks for helping me, Irene!"

    "Anytime, that was fun!" Irene said. "I'm always happy to help a friend remove a fly from their larynx!"

    The two friends waved goodbye and continued on with their day, free from coughing and tickling.

The Sneaky Barnacle

Tammy the sea turtle was swimming along one day when she decided to take a little nap. She nestled herself along the seafloor and went to sleep. When she woke up, she decided to go and play with her friends.

    But when she arrived, her friends all laughed at her. They pointed at her belly and Tammy realized a sneaky barnacle decided to latch onto the bottom of her shell! Well, this would not do.

    Tammy immediately went to remove the barnacle. She tried scraping it off with a rock, but no that didn't work. She tried scrubbing it off with a sea sponge. That didn't work either, but it sure made the sea sponge mad!

    Then Tammy went to smash the barnacle off. . . but then she might hurt herself too, so she changed her mind. This barnacle sure was tenacious! If scraping, and scrubbing, and smashing wouldn't work, what would?

    The persistent sea turtle thought of a brilliant idea. She bent her neck and asked the barnacle kindly "Hello Mr. Barnacle, will you please get off my shell?"

    And the barnacle replied "No!"

    This wasn't just a sneaky barnacle. This was a sneaky, and rude barnacle! Well Tammy knew the best way to handle rude creatures. She swam over to a nearby reef and grabbed a broken piece of coral. Then she reached the coral under her belly and began to tickle the barnacle. 

    The barnacle immediately burst out laughing and released from Tammy's belly. She waved goodbye to the pesky barnacle as it settled down to the seafloor to await another unsuspecting napper.

    Tammy returned to her friends who no longer laughed at her. They played games and ate snacks until it was time to go home. From that day on, Tammy was always vigilant for barnacles determined to latch onto her shell.

Erin Granolahair

    Erin Granolahair brushed her hair every morning after she woke up. She brushed her hair when she arrived at school. She brushed her hair during class, and during lunch, and during recess. She brushed her hair after school, and when she arrived home. But no matter what, she could not get the granola out of her hair.

    The sticky bits kept getting stuck in her hair, and she had no idea where they came from. Surely it wasn't genetic like her parents said? But then, that would explain why her mother, and her mother's mother, and her mother's mother's mother always had granola stuck in their hair too.

    Then one day she saw an ad in the newspaper for Granolalabs, a company that specialized in researching people with granola in their hair. They'd run experiments on volunteers, in hopes to find the cure for getting granola in your hair.

    There wasn't a cure yet, but Erin decided to volunteer. Even if she couldn't have the granola cured from getting in her hair, she could help future generations keep the granola out of their hair. So, from then on, Erin went to the granola clinic every Tuesday and had her hair washed, scrubbed, conditioned, brushed, and then experimented on in a variety of ways.

    She'd lost hope of getting the granola out of her hair, but she was at peace knowing her time spent performing these procedures would help someone someday. After weeks and weeks of undergoing these procedures every Tuesday, she noticed something. Her hair was just a little less gritty, and a little less sticky. She ran in the next Tuesday and exclaimed to the scientists what she'd noticed. The experiments they'd run didn't show any conclusive results, so they took her news with skepticism.

    After examining her hair, though, they agreed with her conclusion in astonishment. The scientists asked her to come in every day for the next two weeks to see if they could find the cause for the apparent cure. Erin agreed, and for the next two weeks she came in every day, let them wash, scrub, condition, brush, and perform experiments on her hair. And every day her hair became significantly cleaner and smoother, but the scientists returned to her more and more confused, with less and less hope of finding anything conclusive.

    The lead scientist sat her down on the final day of the two-week period and said "Ms. Granolahair, I'm happy to see results for your hair, but I'm sorry, we simply cannot find anything conclusive as to why the condition of your hair has improved. The only consistency among all the experiments is the preparation procedure, nothing different than you'd do at home. Unfortunately, we've run out of budget for this particular area of focus, and until we have more money, we won't be able to continue with our experiments. We wish you luck and hope to see you again one day!"

    Disheartened, Erin left the facility with little hope of ever understanding how to fix her hair once and for all. But wait? What did the scientist say at the end? Nothing different than what she'd do at home?

    With this thought in mind, Erin ran to the store and searched up and down for what she read on the bottles the scientists used on her. "Shampoo" and "Conditioner." Eventually she found the correct aisle, and located bottles with these words on them. She bought several. None of them looked like what the scientists used, but hopefully they'd do the same thing.

    When she returned home, she noticed the section of the bathroom that looked similar to the chamber she had to stand in at Granolalabs. She twisted the knobby thing like she saw them do, and water came out! And it was warm!

    Erin was so excited, she jumped in, then remembered to take her clothes off. She jumped out, disrobed, then jumped back in and felt the warm water on her skin. What a great feeling to do this without being prodded by a bunch of scientists! Then Erin took the shampoo, squirted a bunch in her hair, and scrubbed it like the scientists did. Amazingly, she felt it work right away!

    After rinsing the shampoo out, she performed the same procedure with the conditioner, and this time her hair began to actually feel smooth! Not a little less gritty like before, but actually smooth! It was amazing.

    Erin stepped out of the shower and noticed her silky-smooth hair in the mirror. She ran her fingers through it over and over again that she almost forgot to complete the preparation procedure. She grabbed a brush and cut it out of the packaging, then ran it through her hair, again like the scientists did. The scientists were right, something about those experiments was starting to work!

    She wasn't as smart as the scientists and had no idea what other experiments could be done, but she figured the best thing she could do until Granolalabs received more funding was to continue the preparation procedure they'd taught her. Then she could at least return to them with minimal delay in their return to the great cause.

    So, every day Erin washed, scrubbed, conditioned and brushed her hair, and every day Erin's hair grew smoother and stronger. And Erin remained eager to once again hear from the scientists at Granolalabs, in hopes of one day finally curing granola stuck in people's hair.

Colonoscopie's

    "Allo! Welcome to Colonoscopie's, your local specialty-chocolate pastry shoppe! Please come in and feel free to browse our many chocolate desserts.

    "The chocolate mousse pie is a customer favorite, as are the winding three-foot-long double-chocolate eclairs! And no one has ever left unhappy having enjoyed our chocolate nugget bowels --ahem-- bowls!

    "I'll be back here working on our chocolate cust...ard. Give a toot if I can help you!"

The Great Sandwich of Old

    The Great Sandwich of old sat atop the pedestal, slowly spinning in place. A light shone on it from above. Hamwich gazed upon the sandwich, ready to claim it as his own. He ascended the stairs reverently, yet with excitement ready to burst from within. It was said to be the tastiest sandwich among the rye fields.
    When Hamwich reached the Great Sandwich of old, he paused to appreciate his journey thus far, then he snatched it from the pedestal and took a giant bite. Maybe this was the tastiest sandwich among the rye fields at one point. By now it had gone quite stale, and Hamwich stood there choking. He looked around for anything to drink but could find none.
    Suddenly, Knight Pumpernickel dropped from high up behind him and slammed into the ground with a big glass of water in his hand.

    "Looking for this?" he questioned Hamwich.

    And when the sandwich snatcher reached for it, Knight Pumpernickel quickly withdrew. He ran out of the chamber with water in hand, and Hamwich slowly followed, coughing and wheezing as he did. It'd be another arduous journey, but now he needed that water, and defeating Knight Pumpernickel was the only way to quench his thirst.

A Day in the Life of a Worm

    A weird worm wiggled out of the soil, wondering why it was so wet. He realized it was raining, then wiggled back down into the ground.

    "No sense in ruining my hair in weather like this today!" he said and went back to munching on dirt.

Icarus Five Introduction

    "Welcome, one and all, to the selection of the official crew members for the Icarus Five mission. We received and reviewed thousands of applications, interviewed hundreds of applicants, tested dozens of finalists, and have at long last selected the eight candidates that we believe will best serve the mission. Without further ado, Director Williams, will you please announce the selected candidates."

    Administrator Burns stepped down and let Director Williams have the podium. It'd been decades of technical and political challenges. But engineers were finally able to repeatedly demonstrate the creation of solarium in their prototype solar reactors. They'd constructed several full-scale reactors across the globe, and with the production of the initial batch of solarium under way, the conditions were met for the approval of the Icarus Five mission. The chosen members of the crew would spend the next ten years preparing for the mission, while Icarus One through Four would be reserved for setting up the initial platform.

    Director Williams cleared his throat and addressed the nation. "Thank you, Administrator Burns, and welcome to all in attendance. This is a monumental day in our planet's history. After trials of all kinds, today we begin the next frontier for the human race.

    "While we reviewed every application for the Icarus Five mission thoroughly, in the end we could only select eight members for the inaugural mission. Those that were not selected, do not be disheartened! There may be opportunity for you for future missions, and we will always need brilliant minds here on Earth too. Without any further delay, the following candidates have been chosen for the Icarus Five mission."

Morale on the Platform

    They'd felt the heat as they approached the platform, but when they stepped out onto the deck for the first time, it felt worse than walking on an active volcano. Because it was worse. A lot worse.

    That's why they could only work in ten-minute shifts. Ten minutes out, seventy minutes in, rotating between the members of the crew for eight hours straight. Afterwards which the crew would spend whatever time necessary to ensure everyone had fully recovered from the work "day."

    The bio scanner would scan each member to ensure their physiological and psychological status, mental clarity, and nutrition were adequate. Operations were not permitted to resume until all members met the appropriate conditions.

    Those ten minutes outside were harrowing. And motivating themselves took much effort. They'd spent an equal amount in psychological training as they did technical for this job and endured torturous physical pain for months in preparation. That was a cake walk in retrospect.

    As the crew placed each solarium block, the platform grew in area, and their ten-minute shifts grew less efficient. Slowly they each began to despair at the pace. The heat no longer subsided during their time off. They barely slept, and thus their mental faculties began to degrade.

    Hope was dwindling fast for the Solar Sixteen crew, and they were close to calling back home to abort mission. It took so much effort to even have that discussion though, but with a roomful of tired nods, Keith, the crew captain, reached for the emergency line.Just as he went to dial, Desmond returned from his shift with a smile.

No one had smiled for many "days" now, and the sight of one was almost as alien as their platform.

    "Guys" Desmond said "Do you feel that?"

    "The heat? Yeah, we feel it, Desmond. We've been feeling it, and we're done feeling it. We're calling home." Miranda replied.

    "No, he's right!" April said. "The temperature stopped increasing. The blocks are working!"

    "It's block one hundred. That's when they said things would stabilize. I just placed it and realized it was a corner. Guys we can do this."

    And for the first time since they began their approach, the entire crew smiled and even laughed. Morale improved quickly from there. Bio signs kept up, and they continued on their way to block 400. The block when they'd begin increasing their crew size. 

400 Crew: Approval Sought

    "She's so cold," Milo said to Inca, referring to April, one of the senior crew members on the platform.

    "Ironic huh? Maybe that's how she survives so well on the platform." Inca replied. "Remember, we're the new guys. Might have to earn our scorches."

    "Sure. But we aren't incompetent. We've been through all the training and worked years in the reactors. It's not like we don't know what we're doing."

    Inca shrugged and got back to work. He knew better than to remain in an argument with Milo. The guy knew his stuff, and was a hard worker, but he could let his head get a little too big sometimes. Humility was drilled into Inca's head from a young age.

    As far as work ethic went, though, the two were comparable. They hit it off well from day one in the training program and had been working close together since. Having grown so close, Inca could tell approval from superiors was important to him, so it wasn't a surprise Milo fixated on April's approval. Still, why not at least seek someone else's for now?

The Solar Sixteen

    Don't look at the Sun! April read the sign every "morning" on the way to work, not that accidentally glancing at the sun was much of a concern these days. The solarium platform had grown quite large since she'd started working on the deck, but when she first started, blindness and vaporization were serious concerns. That was the first milestone, though: to decrease the risk of exposure to the sun enough that conditions were bearable.

    Back on Earth they'd spent a majority of the planet's energy for several decades creating just 12 solarium blocks. An initial mission sent these blocks into a low-Sun orbit, LSO, and assembled them into a four by four square. Once it was confirmed the blocks were in place, they launched the basic equipment for the facility. The fabricator's sole purpose was to create the solarium blocks. Engineers had taken everything they'd learned on Earth and optimized it for use in the LSO.

    An energy management unit was responsible for the extraction, storage and distribution of power to the various systems. A mobile solarium crane would be used to move the newly fabricated blocks and connect them to the edges of the platform. Lastly, a small, eight-person quarters provided basic "shelter," initial food, and hygiene for the eventual crew.

    Of which April was a member. Those first weeks were harrowing. Even with protective gear, one mistake meant instant death. Every block they placed, though, decreased that risk, so for weeks they worked in rotating ten-minute shifts to expand the platform by 84 blocks. 100 blocks in total was the threshold at which they could take longer, more efficient shifts.

    By now they had placed 384 blocks, up to 400 in total, and the work had become routine. The platform had grown big enough that the initial crew could no longer maintain it by themselves, and Earth had sent more supplies, equipment, crew members, and even comforts. They kept their initial platform, The Solar Sixteen, marked both to keep the center of the platform referenced, and to remember where they started. It'd be nice to have help, but the new additions to the crew wouldn't have the same appreciation for their new home that the original eight did.

Snelda's Escape

    Snelda folded each of the aircraft's wings and gave them a sharp crease. Maybe this one would work. She lined it up facing eastward at the top of Mount Wiggly. The spiral nature of the mountain made it tremendously easy to get the paper to the top. At the base of the mountain she could see the Pig's Snout, the cave in which she'd been residing the past several months since her crash.

    Now she simply had to wait. Eventually a gust would come, and that would be her chance to finally soar off this forsaken island. Hours went by, and the air remained still. The sun baked Snelda in the stagnant air, the endurance of which took more of her attention than she wanted. She had to leave this island and couldn't miss the opportunity to soar.

    The faintest breeze wafted across Snelda's tail as the sun started to lower in the sky. Snelda perked up and wiggled her tail. The breeze grew stronger, and she began sniffing the air, trying to sense the direction. East was the only way she could launch, but she'd need to know which way to steer once she was in flight. The wind persisted, and Snelda decided to act.

    With one last adjustment, the pig pushed the aircraft as fast as she could, and just as it began dropping from the peak, she leaped inside and flapped open the wings. They burst open as they caught the wind, and Snelda steered directly into the wind to gain as much loft as she could. Once she could gain no more, she turned northward, and glided towards the horizon as long as she could, hoping to find thermals to ride on her way home.

Steakfest 2024

    Welcome to Steakfest 2024, the steak-eating contest that puts the world beat steak-eaters to the ultimate test. Once again, our two biggest contenders are Sir Loin Jake and Ribeye Rebecca, but who knows, an underdog can always come through, we've seen crazier things happen at Steakfest!
    Here come the steaks now, some tender London broil to get things started. Each contestant needs to finish all five to make it to the next round, which already looks like that's everyone! Boy these eaters don't mess around with their appetites!
    Next up come the sirloins, Sir Loin Jake's favorite. And yup, thirty seconds in and he's finished his five. Ribeye Rebecca is right behind, followed by Stu Yorkstrip. Looks like Victor Vacuum lost a little suction this year as the first one out, that's a tough loss, but he's fresh and I'm sure we'll see him next year.
    The penultimate round is naturally Ribeye Rebecca's favorite, here come seven ribeye steaks for each remaining contestant. Wow! Two at a time and the last one tossed in the air and caught with her mouth. She earned that ovation. Once again, the remaining contestants all finished. Will they fare in the final round?
    Each contestant approaches the power Porterhouse round in their own way. Rebecca typically gives it a one two chomp, first the strip then the filet. Jake, with his massive jaws, strips both cuts off with his top and bottom teeth, while Stu goes strip first, naturally, and saves all the filet mignons for the end. And here they go.
    It's head-to-head between the three of them, bones piling high in the middle of the table. And here's an interesting sight, both Rebecca and Jake seem to be wavering, though it could catch up to Stu when he hits his pile of filet mignons.

    That doesn't seem to be the case though, there goes Sir Loin Jake, and Ribeye Rebecca falls right behind him! As long as Stu finishes his filets, he'll win. And yes he does! Stu Yorkstrip is the Steakfest 2024 champion, what an upset! No one saw this coming, but anyone who placed bets on this man is a happy man today!
    Well folks, thank for listening in to Steakfest 2024, what a truly remarkable outcome. We're all thrilled for Stu, and we're excited to see what comes of next year! Let's go e one last congratulations to our champion Stu Yorkstrip!

Racie vs Pterrorblast

    Racie was given a three second head start to escape Pterrorblast. The girl chose the right lane, and three seconds later, the battle helicopter was in pursuit. He fired rocket after rocket, and Racie dodged each explosion with alacrity. 
    A loot box down one unassuming alley rewarded the racer with a smoke bomb and remotely detonated mine. Freedom was another two blocks away through Main Street, and as Pterrorblast passed the alley, Racie ran out and tagged the vehicle with the mine. It noticed her movement and abruptly spun to annihilate her. Up went a smokescreen from her smoke bomb, and she rushed through, focused on her escape. Pterrorblast burst out of the smokescreen, and before he could lock onto her, an explosion on his rear knocked him out of control.
    Pterrorblast veered back and forth to regain his pursuit, and seeing Racie was nearly at the escape portal, he launched a barrage of rockets right at the exit. It would destroy the portal, but destroying Racie was more important. Sensing the impending doom, Racie spent every ounce of energy to reach the portal before the rockets.

    Spectators witnessed a giant fireball at the end of the city. No remains of a body would be found, but no one could pass through the portal to verify Racie's escape either. The only signal recorded by the portal was the explosion itself, and the small blip that showed just beforehand could have been Racie, or it could have been the rockets approaching. There was no doubting Racie's speed through, and this gave her secret supporters hope.

One Slip On the Line

    "Mercy!" cried Ben. He had accidentally struck the hydraulic pipe for the gold-digging machine, causing gold production to cease.
    "You shall have none!" the warden replied. "Throw this wretched worker into the discharge vat, now!"
    Two burly enforcers grabbed Ben and tossed him into the vat that contained all the spent lubricant for the machine. Climbing out was no option; the liquid was slick and would prevent even the most generous handhold to assist in escape. It was back to holding his breath over and over to remain buoyant until one of the other workers was free and remembered that he had been thrown in here.

Abrasion for Ddrain

    Three weeks of walking left Ddrain's feet bloody and torn. He'd been given only sandals for the trip, and those wore through by the end of the first week. A surface of raw limestone laced with jagged quartz and obsidian will do that...
    It was the only way to the Wishmeister, though, and Ddrain figured he could use his second wish on his feet. Eventually he arrived at the Wishmeister's pavilion, and the grand man was happy to give Ddrain and audience. Ddrain humbly requested for bounty in his homeland. The famine had lasted too long, and his people could beat the hunger no longer 
    The Wishmeister happily granted his wish, and after thanking him, Ddrain wished for his feet to be healed, which the Wishmeister was also happy to grant. Eager to return home, Ddrain once again thanked the Wishmeister, but just as he began to take his first step, he realized his predicament. He'd have to make the journey home again, this time without even sandals to ease the first part of the trip. 
    The Wishmeister would not grant any more wishes, but he looked intently at Ddrain.

    "Oh, would you had let your feet heal on their own and callous first, you could have wished for a sturdier pair of shoes for the trip. Well, come now, it will be some time, but callous your feet here, so the trip will be less abrasive to your feet "
    So Ddrain stayed with the Wishmeister for many more weeks, building up the callous on his feet. Eventually they became coarser than the limestone itself, and when he finally departed, it was his feet that did the tearing. A path wore into the ground from the Wishmeister back to Ddrain's homeland, making the way safe for future travelers.

Defense Against the Gneusant Beasts

    "Cast the blilant phase!" cried captain Phoeliere.

    The gneusant beasts were approaching the ship and if they weren't slain before they reached it, the crew and the ship would be phased to another realm. The terror of this idea kept the crew alert, though, and with determination and persistence, they did slay each gneusant beast, each disintegrating with a purple wisp. 

Emotional Rollercoaster

    It was a rollercoaster of emotions. The riders sat in their cars and ascended happy hill by the happy chain. As they crested the top, they sped down into the anguish abyss and flew out glad gape where they were pelted with angry balls.

    Instilled with anger themselves, they rattled their harnesses just as intended. The riders entered fury fortress in several corkscrews, and by the time they left, the ride had flattened out. A slow ride through subdued swamp left them back to the entrance, where that casually exited their cars, pensive of what they'd just encountered, and what the rest of the day would bring.

Chancellor Stellarpants' Visit to Dimwindle

    The skies opened up for Chancellor Stellarpants as he descended on his pulse deck. The chrome platform mirrored his pants and likewise dazzled all the eyes whose gaze was set upon it. The Chancellor was here to negotiate an increase shininess allowance for the citizens of Dimwindle, who'd been severely limited in their shininess capacity for the past several decades. They could tell you much about the Dimstrifewars should you ever decide to visit. 
    Chancellor Stellarpants knew this would lead to a violent uprising eventually and decided to try and preemptively quell hostilities. The citizens gathered around the judgement hall to await the negotiations, uncovering their eyes once the Chancellor and his stellar pants had stepped through the door. Hours went by without word of progress, and many citizens began packing up, having given up hope.
    Just as they started to leave though, Chancellor Stellarpants burst through the door, once again dazzling them. No word was said, but when Loving Dictator Dimsvelte emerged in his own set of stellar pants, cheers erupted among the crowds.

    Finally, sparkles, twinkles, and flashes would once again be allowed among the towns of Dimwindle. Many thanked Chancellor Stellarpants as he ascended through the skies again to his dazzling destroyer, Sparkshimmer. Everyone started up at the ship, and it shot off into the depths of space with a glittery explosion. Shimmers and sparkles rained from the sky, lighting up towns and cities, arriving the streets with wonder. For the far future, Dimwindle would be much less dim, and the people would once again enjoy brightness.

The Mean Potatoes

    There once was a mean potato who thought throwing beans at carrots was funny, so the carrots revolted and dug up the potatoes with spatulas. The potatoes didn't like that, so they apologized. The carrots forgave them and replanted the potatoes back in the ground.

A Sandwich Forgotten

    The old sandwich sat aging on the countertop. A week had gone by since Agnes Butterngnunt left it there, distracted by a wily cat that beckoned her to come peruse its wares. By now, the microflora presumed Agnes long gone and began taking over the sandwich. 
    Purple and green splotches spread over the sandwich's surface and soon fruited various mushrooms and growths. They shot from the sandwich with explosive force, and began covering the kitchen, then the rest of the dwelling. After another week, the entire house had transformed from a modest chateau, to an ostentatious chanteaurelle, and didn't it know it.

    Large Cassie at the top wafted up, then flapped down, launching the structure up into the air. Then with graceful and spore-ridden flaps, it flew off into the distance, without any remark as to where it was going or why.

Kitten Wrangling

    Frank and Jane spent all day trying to pack the car, but the kittens kept escaping. They had all the preparations set in place, but kittens had no regard for Frank and Jane's preparations.

    "Jane! How are we going to keep the kittens in the car?"
    "I don't know, this was your idea, Frank. What about the kitten vacuum we got on sale last season?"
    "Genius! I forgot we had that."
    Frank ran inside to get the kitten vacuum. Minutes later he stepped out with a giant machine strapped to his back. He held a nozzle in his hands the diameter of a cat, and on his back hung an extra large sack. He turned on the vacuum, and ran around sucking up the kittens, while Jane wrangled them toward him. Eventually they managed to suck all the kittens up.
    When they were sure they had every last one of them, Frank removed the sack, zipped it up, and tossed it in the back of the van. Jane took her seat at the wheel, and Frank buckled himself in the passenger seat. Relieved, they could finally go release the kittens at the old folk's retirement home.

    "Just think of how much joy these little rascals will bring the old people dear!"
    "I know honey, what would they do without us?"

Thy Interesting Melon

    "See here this most peculiar melon. Its roundness, and plumpness, and most importantly of all, it's so vastly interesting! How peculiar, that a simple melon could be so tremendously. . . interesting. Feel the rind. It's smooth and bumpy at the same time.

    "Smell it.

    "Go ahead, smell it.

    "I SAID SMELL IT! Tee-hee, forgive me, but please won't consider how incredibly. . . interesting this melon is?"

    "Agh get away from me, weirdo!" Evan reacted to the man holding the melon up to his face. "Hey, Jamal, let's go before this guy says how interesting this melon is again!"

    "Ah come on man, it's just a melon." Jamal replied, tossing the man five bucks.

    "I don't need your charity, twit!" the man yelled at Jamal, pocketing the money. "The mere interest of this melon is what sustains me."

    As his wares faded into the background, Evan and Jamal continued down the sidewalk, dumbfounded by what had just happened.

The Three Queens of Moisturelle

    There were three lotion queens that ruled Moisturelle. All the lotion produced in these lands came from the squishpods that grow on the lotiontrees found in abundance throughout the region.

    Butterysmoothe would produce her lotion primarily by hand-squishing the pods. Supplesoft preferred foot-squishing the pods, stomping on them to release the lotion essence. Lastly, Salivelevet, intoxicated by the taste and smell of the squishpods, would gnash them ferociously with her teeth to release the aromatic, silky-smooth essence.

    Together the queens would work tirelessly for Moisturelle's primary export. Over time Moisturelle because a popular tourist destination. People from all over would come to see the lotiontrees, walk in the fresh, smooth, and fragrant air of the province, and even spectate the queens at their work. The citizens prospered thanks to the queens' efforts, and the kingdom of Moisturelle flourished.

The Hole-Dodgers

    Everyone ran around the vast surface, seeking the hole they wanted to fill. Countless holes spread among the surface, to the horizon and beyond, and the people eagerly sought a hole to fill, in which to find their comfort.

    Breach did not. He ran continuously to the horizon, nearly falling into a hole every now and then. While others spent their life trying to fill a certain hole, Breach spent his doing the best he could to not fall into a hole. Ever.

    He was agile and perceptive. His skills differed from most people with the same traits in very subtle ways. The others with skills similar to his filled their holes well. But for Breach, filling a hole would be the ultimate prison. As time went on, his race became a dance, and he remained among the hole-dodgers of the surface.

    There were others like him, but they were rare. Occasionally they'd come near, or cross paths, but it never lasted. For the horizon was in all directions, and the same horizon as another hole-dodger was a hole in itself. That horizon needed that hole-dodger, and to go in that same direction would crowd that particular area of the infinite expanse.

    So, while many sought to fill their holes, the hole-dodgers remained on the surface, careful to never fall into a hole, and to continue along the expanse, until time itself ended, and the holes, along with the threat they imposed, vanished.

Hack Slashum

    He's the hackin', slashin' superhero of the twentieth century!

    It's Hack Slashum! When evildoers stand in his way, he hacks n' slashes them until they no longer stand in his way!

    Where's he goin'? no one knows! But don't stand in the way of him reaching his destination, or he'll hack n' slash ya!

    Do you have evildoers afoot in your town? Snatch them up and throw them in the path of Hack Slashum! He'll take care of them! Turkey too much trouble to carve for Thanksgiving? Chuck it in front of Hack Slashum and you'll have a carved turkey in seconds!

    Everyone cheer for Hack Slashum!