Welcome to Michael Fitness, your one stop gym to get big and buff, and finally join that elite club of macho people you've been envying. With just three workouts a week, you can become as big and buff as me, Michael, and you won't regret a thing. I promise.
For a one-time payment of seven hundred dollars, and a monthly subscription of two hundred dollars, you get all the benefits of being a member. This includes use of gym equipment, pool, shower, sauna, and sweatshop*.
If you want to become big and buff like me, Michael, and these amenities sound like heaven to you, then come on down and join Michael fitness today! You won't regret it. I promise.
*Mandatory minimum of 30 hours of sweatshop usage time per week will be enforced as part of membership. This clause is non-negotiable. Upon signature you forfeit any and all legal rights to challenge this clause. Attempts to challenge this clause will be further enforced by Michael Fitness security personnel, and will result in increased minimum mandatory sweatshop usage, under strict surveillance.
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