Harry Potter and the Cackling Irishman

    Six shadowy figures stood watching Seamus Finnigan sucking on a cackle swirl, the newest candy creation by Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes. It was repulsive, but they couldn't look away. Quietly, one of the shadowy figures approached Seamus and considered snatching the candy but thought better of it after the effects suddenly manifested themselves.

    Seamus turned and beheld the figure. A Cheshire grin waxed across his face; his cheeks glowed as if lit by fire within. Steam rose from his ears, and Seamus arched high out of his seat. The shadowy figure returned to his place, and before he could regain his leering posture with the others, Seamus began cackling. The six shadowy figures each took a step back. He cackled left; he cackled right. He cackled up and down. 
    "We must leave this accursed room at once!" cried the head shadowy figure. "Alohomora!" he cast in vain as the door remained locked before them.

    Desperate, he cast "Incarcerous!" on Seamus, binding him to the chair. But no bonds would silence the mad cackling of this boy.

    They waited. At first, patiently, but as the dark room echoed more and more cacophonously with the horrific sounds coming from Seamus' throat, they each started to go mad themselves, their own miserable groaning adding to noise. The head shadowy figure could bear it no longer, and just before he gave a wail of despair, Seamus' cackling ceased.

    One by one, the shadowy figures looked up quietly. They saw Seamus arch up again. He began to tremble, and with steam rising from his nose this time, out of his maw erupted a belch that sounded no more pleasant than a hill troll stubbing his toe on a boulder. Seamus slumped peacefully in his chair.

    Moments later Mr. Filch entered from a door opposite the figures from Seamus. The figures scampered out the open door, relieved to be free from Seamus' confection-induced clutches. Mr. Filch grabbed his keys and unlocked the custodian closet opposite the room from the entrance. His grumbling about a student retching slugs brought Seamus to his senses. Seamus asked Mr. Filch to unbind him, but Mr. Filch simply went about his business, taking no notice of the boy. 

    Dumbledore descended down the stairs from his office, freshly scrubbed, and observed six cloaked figures running down the hall.

    "Where are you off to in such a hurry, Severus?" he bellowed.

    The figures halted, and Snape pulled his hood from over his face. "We've been found out" he exclaimed. "The game's up, crew!" 
    Shortly after, Professor McGonagall, Neville, Colin Creevey, Cho Chang, and Dean Thomas all removed their hoods, sniggering. Curious to know what was so amusing, Dumbledore asked the group show him where they were coming from. Snape led them all back to the dark room where they left Seamus. Still bound to the chair, Seamus looked over and smiled. 
    "Hey guys, mind letting me loose?" he said. 
    Dumbledore ran over swiftly, and out of his back pocket he unfurled the sorting hat, waking him up from a deep slumber. The sorting hat grumbled and asked "ehh what's goin on here, I've been woken from a most pleasant dream! "
    Dumbledore replied "Quickly, I need the sword of Gryffindor! This boy is bound to his chair! "
    The sorting hat pondered this request, and after much internal deliberation, and to Seamus' delight, the sorting hat clenched and the Sword of Gryffindor shot from his bottom, clanking across the floor.

    Distracted by the shiny sword, the students and faculty chased it, each shoving the others in attempt to grab it first. Dumbledore gave a defeating sigh and shouted "Enough!"

    Startled, the group stood up and faced the headmaster. He cast "accio sword" at the blade, and it came flinging through the air. He snatched the sword by the hilt, and with a flourish cut Seamus' bonds, releasing him from the chair. 
    Thankful, Seamus bid the group farewell and returned to the Gryffindor common room. The rest of them made their way to the Three Broomsticks to discuss the events of the, and enjoy some mirth before school resumed for the semester.