The Whirlwind Trader

    Wind swept around Jeremlyle as the Whirlwind Trader descended from his cloud. The boy stood in awe at the man and his wares.

    "Hello little boy" the trader said. "Care to buy something?"

    "I haven't any money, sir." Jeremlyle replied.

    "Hmm. Can you do a trick? I have a nice wooden horse I'd gladly exchange for a quick show!"

    Jeremlyle paused for a moment, then spoke "well, I'm a pretty decent pickpocket" and then tossed the wooden horse in his hands.

    The trader stared astonished at what had just happened, then laughed deep from his core.

    "Wonderful job! The horse is yours! Now I must be going, thank you for the show!"

    Then with a twirl, the Whirlwind Trader hovered off down the street to sell to more residents of the city.

Cnicholas the Cnidarian

    Cnicholas floated along the currents, snatching up and wandering prey he could. Any passersby he would playfully brush against; he loved their reactions to his sting. He bobbed up and down without a care in the world. The attention he received from all the photographers was intoxicating. Then one day, Logan swam up and gobbled Cnicholas right up. No longer would he relish the occasional stinging of a swimmer, or the paparazzi swarming him and his beautiful ripples.

The White Whistle

    The White Whistle hovered mysteriously upon its pedestal, not touched, nor played in one thousand years. Finally, after that much time of digging, Prince Windward emerged from the ceiling of the whistle's chamber. He let a rope down from his emergence and climbed down. The whistle's awesome power vibrated through his hand as it neared.
    Once he grabbed it, he could envision perfectly his reclamation of the throne. Squires and subjects would dance to his merry tune once again, and the people would cheer at the removal of Archmage Archibald from the throne, who only controlled the people of Wooden Wind through the sour notes of his cacophonous magic.
    Prince Windward gave the whistle a toot, and once he confirmed this was in fact the White Whistle of the legends, he ascended the rope and began his arduous climb back through the tunnel. He'd have plenty of time to plan his musical assault in reclamation of his own kingdom.

The Ourld Championship of Ouerm Ourestling

    Ouilliam Ouerm ouanted so badly to ouin the Ouorld Championship of Ouerm Ourestling. He ouanted to ouin so badly that he ouent to the Gym every day to lift oueights and practice ourestling with outher ouerms.

    After years of training, Ouilliam finally felt ready to compete for the title. Ouen it ouas his turn for qualifiers, he ouiggled up to the ring, and faced his opponent. They ourestled for seven minutes, and eventually Ouilliam ouon the match. He ouorked his ouay up the ladder until he found himself in the finals, facing Ouild Ouade, the infamous Ouerm ourestler.

    The bell rang, and through much ouiggling, Ouilliam managed to secure victory against Ouade. That day, Ouilliam achieved his goal of Ouinning the Ouorld Championship of Ouerm Ourestling.

Ol' Skippee

    "The chain! The chain! Grab the chain you fool!" yelled the old hobo from his sleep by the dock.

    The man had once been a renowned sailor, able to navigate the seas blindfolded. Now he could barely see three feet in front of his face.
    "Mommy, why is that man yelling about a chain?" said a little boy as he and his mom walked by.
    "I don't know dear, but don't stare" his mom replied.
    Suddenly the old man leaped from the bench and approached the boy eagerly. "You want to know about the chain do ya? We'll ol' Skippee''ll teach you about the chain, you just come with me, and we'll go sailing on marvelous adventures, learning about the chain the whole time!"
    The boy begged his mother, and after some deliberation, she figured there was no changing his mind, so the boy joined ol' Skippee on the finest ship in the marina, the Rusty Bucket, and they sailed off on an adventure.

Creepy Catherine and the IIlk

    Creepy Catherine chose July 1st of all nights to reveal her revolting gown. Of course, it was the Glamour Ball that evening, and no one wanted Creepy Catherine slinking along the walls, peering at them as they danced. But so it was that the Glamour Ball commenced, and Creepy Catherine did in fact attend.

    From the shadows, two deep eyes peered at all the couples dancing. All of them were stiff, moving back and forth like marsh twigs in the wind. Who could dance freely with those eyes peering at them?
    But then the song changed, and a rock anthem like never before blasted through the speakers. The stage curtains flew open, and the spotlight lit four figures up on stage, banging their heads and rocking like no one was watching.

    That evening, Creepy Catherine and her band mates, Icky Ilmore, Grumpy Garret, and Shredded Cheese Steve, debuted their new hit single "Peering Eyes Along the Dance Hall Wall." All the students forgot their swaying and started rocking out themselves, cheering at The Illk's new song.

Atomic Fuzz!

    Atomic Fuzz! The fast-paced, action fuel all go-getters need before they go getting! No right-minded hero would deny themselves the Atomic Fuzz to do what they do, nor would any world Empress!

    The Pyramids did not build themselves, and neither did the fashion empire of Sulah Ghool. What would the world behold without the Atomic Fuzz igniting and invigorating the fiery souls that seek the magnificence that only Atomic Fuzz can sustain?

Tim Burninghead and the Demise of the Residents of Skeletown

    Tim Burninghead leaped out of the window of the hearse with guns blazing. Every skeleton in town feared this man, but in his long absence they'd grown complacent. The fortifications and precautions they'd been warned to take had been ignored, and when Tim realized the hearse-gnasher had fallen out of maintenance, he seized his opportunity to collect some bones.

    Jointbreaker and Tendonmelter fired from Tim's hands, and any unlucky skeleton that was struck, immediately collapsed into a pile of bones. At the rattle of the first victim, Snatcher scurried out from the hearse and collected the bones in his sack. When the streets were cleared, Tim and Snatcher retreated to the hearse and sped out the same way they came.

    He'd been low on bones, and his spoils from this day would have to last him some time. The skeletons would likely resume heavy attendance to their precautions, meaning it'd be a long time before Tim Burninghead could return to Skeletown.

Groaning Groned's

    Young Groned groaned at the pain in his groin. Grown Groned groaned at young Groned's groaning. Young Groned groaned at being groaned at by Grown Groned, who simply groaned more at young Groned's continued groaning. Both Groned's groaning can be heard to this day

Eddy Currants

    Mildred Currants gave birth to her son, Edward, in the comfort of their own home, on a regular spring day. Together with her husband, Hugh, they raised Edward as a regular boy, who did regular things, like all the other regular kids. It was a frosty winter day, when Edward was twelve, that he became less regular than the other children. He was playing in the forest, like most regular kids do, when he found the Liminal Lodestone.

    Edward beheld this great stone and proceeded to grasp it in his clutches. When he did, magnetic energy burst from the stone and flowed throughout his veins. His eyes turned white with electromagnetic vibrancy, and he began hovering in the air. He found after some time that with this new power, he could control both magnetic and electric energy, and bend it to his whims. Out of the forest that day rose the magnificent Eddy Currants.

The Ulcer Twins

    "Dr. Schmittle, the Ulcer twins are here for their appointments!"

    Oh no. . . not the Ulcer twins. . .

    "Hi Doctor Schmittle!" Eric blurted loudly as he flopped into the dentist chair. Leeroy joined the room with his brother despite Dr. Schmittle's repeated preference for one patient to remain in the room at a time.

    Oh well, maybe it would go faster if they were in closer proximity.

    Dr. Schmittle worked his way through Eric's teeth, picking out Milk Dud and Jolly Rancher pieces stuck between every nook, as the boy gargled on about something that was rendered slightly more intelligible by the doctor's interference.

    Leeroy spoke at length about fireworks and soda between blowing obnoxious bubbles behind the doctor, making it even harder to concentrate. Not that the boys would care about the job he did anyway. Dr. Schmittle quickly sent Eric along when he was finished and was eager to get Leeroy done with. Eric popped some Warheads into his mouth and continued his story whilst salivating down his chin, onto his shirt and the floor.

    When Leeroy was finished, Dr. Schmittle bid the two farewell, and once their mother finished her conversation with the attendant, Renee, they all left cackling boisterously, and could be heard asking their mother about Slurpees on the way home. Dr. Schmittle and Renee exchanged glances, then he shook his head and retired to his office to clear his head.

Far Bar

    Need a drink? Come on down to Far Bar! It's the bar that's just a little too far to get to, a little too far to walk home from, and a little too far for it to be worth anyone's time to come and pick you up. We have plenty of lodging, so you need not worry! The bunks are all a little too far from the ground to climb in or out, and a little too far from the bathroom. Come on down to Far Bar, it'll be worth your time! And Ours. . .

The Old Guy in the Woods

    In the deep dark woods lives an old creepy man. If you happen to pass him, he'll yell at you to get off his lawn, and then he'll throw rotten, half-eaten tomatoes at you. It's the quickest route through the woods, but most people would say it's better to just take the long way. No one even knows where he gets the tomatoes; they don't grow in the woods. Still, it's not worth trying to find out, just leave him alone.

Big Guy Territory

    "Move along squirt, this is big guy territory!" Tony said to little Ren.

    The boy was certainly a pipsqueak, but hated being treated that way, so he puffed up his chest and followed Tony into the big guy building. Ren beheld a bunch of big guys walking all over the place. Some in suits, some in rustic attire, and some in buff gym clothes. Tony wasn't lying, this really was big guy territory.

    Just then Ren noticed how quiet it was, and how every big guy had stopped and was staring right at him.

    "Whadda ya doing Ren! I said this was --" Tony was cut off.

    "GET 'IM!" the rest of the big guys shouted and darted towards little Ren. The boy ran as fast as he could back out the door, but before he reached it, he found himself under a pile of big guys who had tackled him for being in their big guy territory. Once they collectively agreed that Ren had received the proper punishment, they each returned to his duty, leaving Ren twitching on the ground.

    "I tried to tell ya!" Tony said before going on his own way.

The Emperor

    The emperor stood frozen to his humble throne, stiff and immobile. Time passed on moment by creeping moment, leaving the emperor to his thoughts, and of course, his throne. The weight of the bitter cold hanging upon his neck bent his head straight down, removing even sight of his companions from view. All discussion ceased amid the freezing cold, and the emperor still clutched to his throne.

    And after countless days of being frozen in place, suddenly a shift happens. Presence returns to the emperor as his throne melts. The shell cracks open, revealing his offspring. The emperor's bride returns, and starving, the emperor himself gives up his chick, and slides down to the ocean on his belly to go search for food.

Hunkerdown Fort

    Welcome to Hunkerdown Fort! The name's Wylen. Here are some supplies to get you started hunkering, and if you'll follow me, I can introduce you to the other hunkerers.

    This here is Amelia, she's our newest resident and has been hunkering for four months now. Jerome, Jacinta, and Judy over there have been hunkering here for close to two years now. They arrived together and we haven't been able to separate them. We'll get their story out of them one of these days Ha-Ha! But for now they're doing a good job hunkering, so we leave them be.

    Kaston over here was the first hunkerer I recruited, and he's been my right-hand man for the past five years. He handles day to day operations, while I focus on the larger direction of Hunkerdown Fort. Your quarters are down here. Go ahead, take your supplies, and make yourself comfortable. Once you're all set, we can get you started on hunkering down!

    Leave! Ha-Ha there'll be no leaving Hunkerdown Fort! We're all hunkering down. If you leave, all of our preparations will've been for nothing! Get on back to your room, and we'll all hunker down here together!

The Empty Facility

    How much longer would he wait in that dark, dank room? It'd been three days since a guard had seen to him, and since then he hadn't heard a noise. Normally he would hear soft remnants of the commotion in the rest of the facility, but even those were nonexistent now.

    Something must have changed. . .

    And then he realized: he was the only one left in the facility now.

    Locked in this chamber with little light, and no food. He had one sip of water left. If he couldn't find a way out soon, then he'd die in this cell.

    One thing gave him hope. There'd be no repercussions for trying to escape if there was no one left to discipline him. So with intense determination he set to finding a way out of his cell. His focus was clear without the worry of stealth, and ideas flowed to him as they hadn't since he was incarcerated.

    After much inspection, he realized he could work to remove the air vent to his cell. Though too small for him to fit inside, the vent itself was made of metal, and he bent and separated each fin of the vent into a pile. Working against each other, he filed grooves into each fin and created for himself a pile of makeshift hacksaws.

    From these hacksaws, he first worked against the joints of the food opening in the door. When he had removed that, he could fit his arm through, reach over and work again the joints in the door itself. It took a long time, which he had plenty of, but he was tired, and thirsty, having finished his water. The only thing he could do was persist, and eventually he severed each of the hinges connecting the door to the frame.

    He kicked the door out, and a part of him braced for seizure by the guards. As he predicted, though, no guards came.

    The corridor was empty.

    What happened?

    Time to figure that out.

    After a drink.

Mycelio of Mushroom Magician

    Mycelio the Mushroom Magician appeared on stage with a burst of spores. Once the coughing in the audience subsided, he began his magnificent act of making mushrooms manifest on their heads.

    "One for me, many for the rest, on thy heads, mushrooms manifest!" Mycelio called out, and mushrooms began popping up all over the audience's heads.

    When the show was over, everyone left the auditorium in laughter at each other's looks, and all of the bonking that was occurring every which way.

FOOTBALL!

"Pass the cheese dip bro! These chips need some dunking! WHOO!"

"You got it bro, go long! HAHAHA"

"Aw I missed, all over the wall! The misses is gonna throw a big flag on that one!"

"For sure! But that's for tomorrow, because tonight is --"

"FOOTBALL!!!"

"Did you guys see that touchdown!"

"What?! No! We were in the snack zone. Alright next one, next one."

"Yeah bro, next one is all ours. Eyes glued to the game starting now."

"For sure, bro, for sure. Pass the wings."

"You got it bro here you --"

"TOUCHDOWN!"

"Aw man another one! Ok, not missing any more, eyes glued, butt on hands, I ain't moving."

"The cooler needs more ice, you guys mind giving a hand?"

"Yeah, sure thing bro, let's do it."

"FOOTBALL!"

Chief Ingsquick

    "Go Ingsquick! Go! The little rat is getting away!" Chief Barbaranus yelled at his porter.

    The young boy ran as fast as he could, but Chief Barbaranus was no lean man, and the rat that stole his favorite emerald was quick. Eventually Ingsquick could run no farther, and Chief Barbaranus threw the biggest tantrum to date. He was so upset in fact, that he stomped off, leaving Ingsquick to fend for himself.
    The Chief was a fool. Ingsquick knew these lands well, and his master hadn't ever survived outside of his palace for more than twelve hours. The boy simply returned to the palace, and when Chief Barbaranus failed to return after three days, Ingsquick was named the new Chief.

    He shrugged and thought "That's one way to become chief!"

Brief Rest for a Wanderer

    Atop the hill that sat in the mountainous valley grew a special tree. Encircling the tree was a patch of wildflowers, which were visited by the bees that lived in the hive that hung from the tree's lowest branch. The tree's canopy was wide, and caught much sunlight. Bright pinks buds dotted it all over, and the petals carpeted the area under the tree continuously.

    As the bees pollinated the flowers, the flowers deposited nutrients for the tree, and the tree sucked up the nutrients, continuing to grow and shelter the plants and bees that resided under its roof

    A lone wanderer happened upon this hill one day and found rest under the tree's shade. The bees continued about their business, and the wanderer found joy in watching them work. The wanderer became hungry and took some honey from the hive. After consuming it, he went back to sleep but awoke a new man.

    Instead of haggard from his journey, the man was strong, and could see far into the distance, and everything looked more vibrant. He realized this was special honey. He realized at once both the opportunity that presented itself before him, and the responsibility. It weighed on his mind heavily, and eventually he realized a third thing. The peace and joy he felt when he had first arrived was now gone.

    The man smiled, then chuckled, then at once set off on his journey again. The wanderer shrank in the distance as he left the hill, and again undisturbed, the tree, the bees and the flowers continued their dance in the mountainous valley.

A Day on Applesnap Farm

    Jack Applesnap stood at the corner of his little farmhouse, rattling the structure with the snap every bite of his apple made. The livestock had to wear hearing protection, and his wife slept in the big fancy farmhouse on the farm to avoid the noise. How Jack's little farmhouse was still standing, no one knew. It should have crumbled to pieces long ago from all the stress of his apple snaps.

    That day, Dwight Bananabite stopped by to comment on Jack's low sales this month, mushing a banana around his mouth as he did.

    Snap! Jack took a big bite of his apple, shaking the little farmhouse again, and causing Dwight's knees to quake.

    "Snap off Bananabite, we're doing just fine here on Applesnap Farm!"

    "I'm sure you are!" Dwight mushed again, "Quit eating those apples and I'm sure you'd do even better!"

    Snap! "I said snap off! Before I snap you in half!" Jack yelled at Dwight, sending him scurrying down the road. "Dumb Bananabites. Like I want to listen to that for more than a second." Snap!

The Laughing Frilly-Fern

    Observe now, this curious specimen. Frillous Humorous, or The Laughing Frilly-fern, extends its many leaves outward, revealing a small, bulbous opening that emerges in the center from the stalk. As with normal frilly-ferns, brushing the leaves causes them to retract in response to the stimulus. But unlike those other frilly-ferns, this one emits a cacophonous cackle from the bulbous opening that persists throughout the response.

    Naturally, they have been banned from anywhere within five miles of urban or suburban areas. They are preserved only in their forest habitats, and only for the purpose of studying their genetics in order to prevent this irritating adaptation from perpetuating through other species.

Bees in the Trees

Think about all of the trees,

Among which fly all of the bees!

Who hour by hour,

Descend on each flower,

As much as their little hearts please.

Dr. Smugmug

    Dr. Smugmug saw his last patient of the day, and as he'd done with the previous thirty, he proceeded to talk about how great of a doctor he was as he examined the patient. And just like the previous thiry, this last patient of Dr. Smugmug walked out of his office with a prescription for hemorrhoids. What the thirty-one patients of Dr. Smugmug took instead was ibuprofen, followed by a relaxing bath to ease the headache of listening to him blather on and waste their time.

Snaggletooth Racing Down The Street

    The old hag came cruising down the street with her razor-sharp snaggletooth hanging out the side of her convertible. She sliced through the ghouls that passed by, and when Dracula approached, she pointed that tooth straight at his heart.

    "Nice try, hag, but that's bone, not wood. Now get outta here!"
    Annoyed, the old hag sped off to go find another being to bother.

The Symbol of the Sud Symphony

    Hasting fell through Bubble Land prepared to pop. He had a knife in each hand and wore gauntlets and grieves with spikes jutting out from every direction. If any bubble tried to consume him, they wouldn't stand a chance.

    And suddenly they were upon him. Bubbles darted directly towards him with ravenous speed. His target was the Symbol of the Sud Symphony, but it was clear he wouldn't make it there before the bubbles caught up to him.

    So, Hasting turned and flared his spikes outward, ready for the onslaught of pops to come. Bubbles smashed into him with gaping surfaces, but not could enclose him before being popped. Hasting was a flurry of spiked poppage, and once he found his rhythm, he gradually proceeded toward the Symbol.

    As he drew closer, the bubbles realized his plan, and their number increased tenfold, each with increased vigor. They did not want to lose their symbol. But they were no match for Hasting and his spikes. the intruder grabbed the Symbol, then popped a piece of gum in his mouth.

    After a couple chews, he blew a gigantic bubble, being sure to keep his hands and arms far from it. He spun in a circle as he ascended by his own bubble, doing his best to keep the hostile bubbles away.

    Eventually, he did arrive at his ship which was parked several thousand feet up for rendezvous. Hasting entered the hatch, and then spit his bubble out. It popped on contact with the bubbles that were still chasing him, covering a wide area in sticky opacity. Hasting ignited the engines, turned on the over burn, and blasted out from Bubble Land with the Symbol of the Sud Symphony on board. The bubbles of Bubble Land would have to sing a new song now.

Riddlydiddly

    Grand ol' Riddlydiddly came strutting down the street with his magnificent inquirycane in hand. All along pedestrians would ask him as he passed "What's up Riddlydiddly?" and he would smack them on the head and reply, "I'm the one who asks the questions around here." The citizens laughed as they were reminded of this fact and then returned to their work.

    Perplexo had had enough of Riddlydiddly's antics, though, and soon took matters into his own hand. He fluttered down from the top of town hall by his quizzicape, and landed in front of Riddlydiddly.

    "Perplexo!" Riddlydiddly exclaimed, and Perplexo laughed.

    "Aren't you the one who asks the questions around here, Riddly."

    "Don't I, though?" Riddlydiddly asked, recovering his persona. "And don't you mean Riddlydiddly?"

    "Ha. Isn't it commonly agreed that you'd be better off annoying another town?"

    "What's your game here, Perplexo?"

    "Isn't it obvious?"

    "A game of questions, hmm?

    "Did it take you so long to figure out?"

    "Shouldn't you be using your time more productively?"

    "Is there anything more productive than this that I could be spending my time doing right now?

    "Regurgitating my own question, quite amateur wouldn't you say?"

    Blast.

    Riddlydiddly was good.

    Perplexo thought his grand entrance would have quelled him easier.

    "What's this town's population anyway?" Perplexo continued on with the challenge.

    "What province are we inhabiting right now?

    "How far is it to the coast?"

    "Why are the carrot shipments late this week?"

    By now the two were shouting, unwilling to be defeated by the other. The questions continued to asininity, and by the time they were spewing garbled nonsensical questions to each other, Queen Quizzical descended from the stars in a blast of icy inquiries and called to them "Haven't you both had enough!"

    And the two duelists turned to her and shouted, "SHUT UP QUIZZY!" Then they immediately gasped. They'd both broken their runs, and in a mutual fury, raced towards Queen Quizzical. The three clashed in a contest of queries, warping the air around them, and transporting them to the Riddle Realm, where they'd settle their differences before the Puzzle Panel.

Tony and the Old Lady

    There was a weird old person who lived in the house on the corner of Shmagren Street, and every morning she could be seen dumping trash out of her top story window into her side yard. Rick and the Crew were biking around one particular morning when they witnessed this exact event, and Tony thought it was a good idea to jeer at her as she dumped. When she finished, she turned her head and glared at Tony but didn't say a word.

    The next day, the crew came around again to watch the old lady. Again, Tony jeered, and again, the old lady glared. This repeated several more mornings until the following week, the old lady did things differently. As she began to dump, Tony jeered as he had been doing, and before she proceeded, she instead withdrew the bucket and closed the window. Rick and the Crew looked around at each other in confusion before the old lady exited her front door with her trash bucket in hand.

    She walked straight towards the Crew, who backed away slowly, leaving Tony in front by himself. He stood there and stared at the lady in shock. When she reached him, she took the bucket and dumped the trash on his head. Then she returned to her home without saying a word. The Crew burst out laughing at their friend, and Tony just stood there unsure of how to respond.

    Eventually he pulled the bucket off his head, and out fluttered hundreds of butterscotch candy wrappers, along with the receipts for the purchase of the candies. When the Crew saw this they realized their mistake, for they absolutely loved butterscotch candies. They immediately ran up to the door and knocked.

    The old lady answered with another full bucket in hand, but when she realized they were no threat, she let them in and heard their plea. After some consideration, she forgave them of their offense, and allowed them access to her butterscotch candy stash. Unfortunately, Tony was explicitly forbidden from the stash for his jeering, though she specified that could change if he agreed to clean her side yard every week indefinitely.