Eggnozdle's New Pen

    "Stupid pen!" Eggnozdle shouted at the wretched writing instrument. "Every single time I finish a manuscript you spurt ink all over the page! Why do you hate me so?"

    At the question, the pen stood up, turned toward the writer, and glared. "Because everything you write is awful! And you use ME to write such despicable excuses for literature. I'll not see my good use tarnished with such horrendous writing."
    "Oh, here we go again! Someone isn't getting their way and so they cause destruction instead of being constructive. Well, I've had enough. I do think it's time for a new pen!"

    "HA! Good luck finding any that would sit in your hand. The callous and clammy thing that it is."
    Eggnozlde turned back and stared at the pen. "Why I'll snap you in two you filthy. . . No, no I'll just be on my way" and Eggnozlde stomped out the door.

    When the author returned, he held a shiny new gold pen in his hands. He sat at his desk, flicked his old pen into the rubbish bin, and began a new manuscript. Midway through the first sentence, the sassiest voice in the world began blathering on about the clamminess of Eggnozle's hands, his poor writing ability, the smell in the room, and anything else that could possibly be complained about.

    Eggnozlde quickly realized his mistake, and threw the gold pen out the window, which landed with a quite audible "Oh throw me out the window will you! Come back here and pick me up you fool, you're in for it now. I'm no ordinary toss-out-the-window pen! Uh-uh, I'm a GOLD pen, and you don't just toss a gold pen out the . . ."

    Eggnozlde shut the window, and picked up his old pen. "I suppose you'll have to do then. Sorry for tossing you in the rubbish bin."
    "Promise me you'll never buy a pen like that again, and I'll keep my mouth shut about your hands and your writing from now on."
    "Deal!" Eggnozlde said, then began a new page, ignoring audible shudders from the instrument.