Creative Conjurings: November 2022

(Gangsta rap with singing chorus in italics)

"He ain't ever gonna stop"

I'm Saladbar Slytherin

Gotta keep these greens from witherin...

They're all saying come hither and

It's really makin me dither cuz:

I got a salad bar job to do

And I might have to pull a Pettigrew:

Down some of that scrumptious polyjuice

Cuz I can't go hangin' 'round with these fools yeah

Chorus

Iceberg, Romaine, Rocket greens

Come down to the salad bar, don't make a scene

Tomatoes, croutons, and dressing on top

He's Saladbar Slytherin and he ain't ever gonna stop

"Troll in the dungeon!" I don't care

I gotta get this hair-net 'round my hair

These students need salad to fuel their brains

Don't forget that crunchy topping made with 20 whole grains!

Last on top goes that sweet tangy dressing

You know the one, it hit's your tongue and it's always impressing

Made from the one and only fruit eligible

The funny upside-down growing PLUM DERIGIBLE!

Chorus

Iceberg, Romaine, Rocket greens

Come down to the salad bar, don't make a scene

Tomatoes, croutons, and dressing on top

He's Saladbar Slytherin and he ain't ever gonna stop

All right, here they come

The students fresh from potions, they're on the run

To the Great Hall with stomachs a'growl

When they see my salad bar they'll all give a werewolf's howl

They've been trapped in that classroom, with the noxious fumes

They need the welcome taste of salad straight from the lunchroom

They each grab a plate and fill it high with brain food

And ravenously eat it cuz it tastes so good!

Finally they're fed, and my job is done

But don't forget tomorrow is another one

These students need their salad to feed those big brains

Eat their salad every day cuz they're on the salad train

I clean up the salad bar after everyone's been fed

Then grab my salad jacket before heading off to bed

Salad is the keystone keepin' Hogwarts on top

I'm Saladbar Slytherin, and I ain't ever gonna stop

He's Saladbar Slytherin and he ain't ever gonna stop

The Floor is Guava

"Hey Kids, watch out, the floor is guava!"

The Floor is Guava, the brand-new game for kids of all ages! If you have furniture, you can play!

Step 1: Take all those white couch cushions Mom and Dad love so much, and throw 'em all over the floor!

Step 2: Open the Floor is Guava starter pack and toss all those cute, delicious little fruits among all the cushions!

Step 3: On your marks. Get set. . . GO! Everyone jump from cushion, to couch, to cushion again! If you step on a guava, you're out! Careful, they're slippery once squished!

Step 4: Last person remaining is the winner!

Step 5: Everyone get back on up, wipe the guava pulp off those little feet, back onto the floor and play again!

The Floor is Guava includes one Sibling Pack and lasts for 10 rounds

Having too much fun and all out of guava? Refill packs can be purchased from The Floor is Guava website: thefloorisguava.com.

You can choose from 4 different options!

Sibling Pack: 500 guavas
Cousin Pack: 1000 guavas
Party Pack: 5000 guavas
Neighborhood Pack: 10,000 guavas

Want to make it extra fun?? We also offer guava pulp-packs for an extra guava-ey good time!

The Floor is Guava is the perfect gift for the little scamp in your life. Make sure they have the best special day with The Floor is Guava!

The Floor is Guava is available in stores near you this holiday season!

Turkey Leg

(To the tune of Alabama Song by The Doors)

Oh pass me the tray

With the big turkey legs

Ohh don't ask why

Oh pass me the tray

With the big turkey legs

Ohh don't ask why

For if I don't get

My big turkey leg

I tell you I might cry

I tell you

I tell you I might cry

Ohh spoon of mashed potatoes

I now must say goodbye

We love our sweet potatoes

I must have turkey oh you know why

Ohh spoon of mashed potatoes

I now must say goodbye

We love our sweet potatoes

I must have turkey oh you know why

Oh someone help me

Loosen my belt buckle

Ohh don't ask why

Oh someone help me

Loosen my belt buckle

Ohh don't ask why

For if I don't make

Room for all this food

I tell you I might die

I tell you

I tell you I might die

Ohh spoon of mashed potatoes

I now must say goodbye

We love our sweet potatoes

Please no more turkey oh you know why!

Over the 2 months after his defeat, Big Waterfowl worked tirelessly to win Captain Miles Standish Jennings' favor. Realizing he could never win against his army of 109 horseback puritans, he decided to instead work humbly in service of quartermaster Chestnut Womancorn. Slowly, Chestnut grew to trust Big waterfowl and noticed his aptitude for logistics. As winter approached, this would prove useful.

Winter of 1864 was harsh. Harsher than any the pilgrims had experienced before, and harsher than what they were prepared for. The battle several months earlier had depleted much of their stores and left them too disorganized to successfully endure the winter. Their hope was in the belated felling of trees and futile fishing through the thickening ice. While these proved more promising than expected, few colonists were able to help chop, fish or transport. As the nights grew longer, their hope lessened. These nights gave Big Waterfowl much time to ruminate on the situation, and what he could do about it.

One favorably sunny day, he set out in search of the trampolines Captain Miles Standish Jennings had confiscated from their battle. He managed to sneak around the barracks to the armory. Fortunately for him, the doors were unlocked. He snuck in and began rummaging, eventually finding the plethora of trampolines he once used against his current residence. As he was dragging one out through the doors, a soft click sounded behind him. "Sneaking around are we, Big Waterfowl?" Captain Miles Standish Jennings asked with his usual annoying bravado. Big Waterfowl spun around startled, trying to explain his intentions, but Captain Miles Standish Jennings didn't care to listen, and continued speaking "I was a fool to let you reside among us. Well, no more" he added. He took aim, but before he pulled the trigger, Chestnut Womancorn came running up yelling for Captain Miles Standish Jennings to stop.

Chestnut gave her account of Big Waterfowl's diligence, and noted his logistical prowess, asserting her belief that Big Waterfowl had no ill intentions. Were it anyone else, they would have promptly received the butt of Captain Miles Standish Jennings' musket to their face, but as it hadn't since before they left for America, his heart leapt at the sound of Chestnut's voice. Well, he couldn't help but heed her concern, and so Big Waterfowl was once again saved from the wrath of Captain Miles Standish Jennings, and his galling bravado.

To the luck of the puritans, Big Waterfowl had indeed devised a solution to their winter inventory problem. A week later, two lines of trampolines had been laid out, one to the log mill, the other to the pond. Before the snows began to fall, every able-bodied man worked to fell the last trees and fish the last fish they could. Along the lines of trampolines they bounced the wood and fish back to town. There the women and children received, stacked, and stored the supplies.

Astonished, Captain Miles Standish Jennings apologized to and thanked Big Waterfowl for saving his people. As they hunkered down, Captain Miles Standish Jennings and Big Waterfowl forgave one another, and embraced their new friendship.